LABELS - WHAT DO WE DO WITH THEM?

Most of us are given labels at some time or another - sometimes we even give ourselves labels. How do we deal with them... and what does God say?

Whether it was intentional or not, whether they are kind, accurate, fitting or not, we’ve probably all been given a label at some stage in our life. But what do we do with them? How do we spot them? And can we get rid of some of the ones that do the most harm? This is my story so far, I share it in the hope that some of it resonates and can help you on your journey to living primarily in your identity as God’s beloved child.

For me it started a l - o - n - g time ago. Doesn’t it always? My father was a church pastor and though there were many blessings and benefits along the way, somehow one of the disadvantages clung to me like a leech. And was just as unwelcome! In fact, it wasn’t just the label that caused the problem, as you will see in my first poem about labels. I wrote this in my 30’s, when I began to think more clearly for myself and about myself and my faith. I’d had some counselling and prayer ministry sessions and, of course, stuff had been dredged up. Stuff I wished at the time had stayed buried! But I later realised you have to clean out a wound before it can heal.

Here’s my poem, a raw and angry outburst…

LIVING WITH A LABEL

Who am I?

I don’t know - 
I haven’t been given the chance to find out.
People always reckon they know who I am - 
They don’t need to ask or let me show them.

No need,
No chance,
No fear,
We know who you are - 
You’re the vicar’s daughter!

No need to look any further,
No need to get to know me,
No need to let me show you,
I don’t get a chance 
To find out for myself who I am, 
Because they know who I am - 
I’m the vicar’s daughter!

So that’s it.
That’s who I am.
No more -  
But no less of course!
No personality.
No talents (unless they’re useful in Sunday school).
No needs.
No social life (at least, not with them - I would cramp their style).
No choice.

That’s me, the vicar’s daughter,
And I’m supposed to like it.
No - 
I’m not supposed to have an opinion,
It is assumed that I accept my role.

People always make assumptions on my behalf…
Of course I’m a ‘nice’ person
Of course I’m a Christian
Of course I don’t mind 
Of course I’ll go to church
Of course I’ll …
And so it goes on
Well, I am the vicar’s daughter – aren’t I?

No, actually
My dad happens to be an ordained minister in the church
But so what - 
What does your dad do?
And does it overrule what and who you are?
I hope not!


I have always been: 
Somebody’s daughter,
Somebody’s wife,
Somebody’s mother.

When can I be me?
When can I have the chance to discover who I am - 
Without everyone assuming in advance they know – even if I don’t!

I am finding out now - 
That’s how I can write this!
At last I have realised - 
I don’t have to be what people expect.
At last I have realised - 
I can experiment,
I can make mistakes,
I can try,
I can risk, 
I can discover
What makes me tick.

I no longer have to live my life
Hiding behind my label - 
That’s what I ended up doing.
I suppose I gave up trying to show I was a human being,
And gave in to popular opinion.
I was ‘the vicar’s daughter’.
And later on I was ‘a wife’ or ‘a mother’ - 
After all, it’s safe having a label to hide behind.

But it gets frustrating,
It gets boring,

And I got angry!

And I thought God was like all those people who judged me,
So I got angry with him, too.

Luckily, he’s far more tolerant,
He’s far more patient,
And he’s far more likely to win my heart
Than people who only see labels.

He did win my heart – eventually.
Though it was in a pretty sorry state when I handed it over!
But he’s mending it,
He’s re shaping it and healing it,
And one day the scars will cease to irritate me.
In the meantime, please forgive me
When I lash out against having a label attached to my name.

I am unearthing dormant talents,
I am developing new confidence,
I am discovering …
Life is exciting - 
Without a label!  				 

---

Phew! Thankfully I’ve moved on from there! But I still bridle when a label or assumption is attached to me. So… not fully healed yet - but getting there!

Some years later - and quite a few counselling and prayer ministry sessions later - I wrote this:

DISCARDING THE LABEL 

Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  (Jn 8:32)

All my life
I’ve lived with a label.
Others have told me
who I am – 
and I have let them!

Now it’s time 
to discard the label
and discover who is really there.

It’s scary,
and it’s exciting –
I’m embarked on an adventure!

The only sure thing is:
I know that my Companion on this journey
is trustworthy, faithful and wise.

I feel naked without my label;
vulnerable, shy and wary,
but determined 
that I shall grow strong.

I shall gradually become who God intended me to be.
I shall discover myself.

I shall be free.

Much more positive, as you can see.

---

However, discovering who you are is not an easy journey, full of pitfalls, rabbit trails and experiments that misfire. I reckon having Jesus (my spiritual counsellor) and a human counsellor, and some prayer ministers to support and guide me helped to minimise some of the mess. But it certainly still got messy at times! Especially when I realised that someone very close to me wasn’t helping at all. That took a lot of prayer, arguments, work and grace to deal with. Now I bless God for that person in my life and we are closer than ever.

Without Jesus I don’t know where I’d be!

Without the Christian counsellors Jesus brought to me I don’t know how I would have survived.

Without the teaching on healthy emotional boundaries that Jesus flagged up, I would still be foundering in confusion.

Here’s my latest poem on the subject - written many, many years after the first two…

HOW TO CARRY YOUR LABELS

We all get given labels – 
at some time or another

You’re someone's child,
Perhaps you’re a wife, or husband, or partner
Maybe you’re a mother, or father

You get labelled by: 
the work you do
your ethnicity
your ability or disability
your age and looks
a special talent, 
or an unfortunate awkwardness
the team or group you belong to
your mistakes and failures
your achievements and education
how your brain works
how healthy you are
…and so much more!

Some labels are useful,
others are not.
Some labels are hurtful.
Some are just wrong.

But labels only ever tell part of the story
It’s only by getting to know a person – 
talking to them
and listening,
really listening,
or living alongside them a while – 
seeing their life and heart from the inside - 
that anyone can know anyone else, 
that anyone can know what’s behind the labels,
what’s really there.

 (pause)

God doesn’t look at labels
Neither does He give them.

There’s just one exception:

“My Beloved Child”

That’s the only lasting label God gives.
It's always given with a loving smile 
and welcoming embrace.

It’s the only label we need to place any weight on,
the only one to live from,
and the only one to accept 
as a full description
of who we are.

The rest of the labels are to be: 
checked regularly,
weeded out frequently,
then the current, helpful ones 
are not worn hung round our necks,
weighing us down,
on display before anyone gets to know us,
no, they’re tucked under our arm,
part of us at this time in our lives,
but not defining us
not ruling us
…and definitely not overruling
what God says of us:

“My Beloved Child”

---

I’m still finding my way, and I invite you to join me on this adventure of a lifetime. I invite you to find out how to live with God’s label as your defining one. Learning to live in His Embrace. Asking Jesus to flag up quickly when labels are attached to you (given by yourself or others) so you can deal with them.

You may also join me feeling puzzled and lost at times! Having understanding, supportive friends helps. But Jesus and Scripture are your best Guide.

For now, let’s adopt with joy the rock-steady, unrivalled, pre-eminent, defining label - “God’s Beloved Child!”

It’s a lifetime’s adventure (though sometimes it feels more like a nightmare).

To counteract some of the nightmarish times, it helps to have a list of truths from Scripture about yourself as a God’s Beloved Child. They’ve been personalised below but they are still Biblical truths. If you read at least some of them most days, as I do, you’ll find they gradually sink in - especially if you read them out loud! These statements are true about you and everyone who accepts Jesus’ sacrifice for them. They are true because of God’s love and acceptance of us through Jesus.

We owe this list to Freedom In Christ Ministries. It’s worth checking out their website: https//:ficm.org

Here’s some of that list of truths to keep the adventure with Jesus on track -

IN CHRIST I AM ACCEPTED, SECURE AND SIGNIFICANT:

I am hidden with Christ in God (Col 3:3)

I can find grace and mercy in time of need (Heb 4:16)

I am free forever from condemnation (Rom 8:1-2)

I have been adopted as God’s Child (Eph 1:5)

I am a member of Christ’s body (1Cor 12:27)

I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins (Col 1:14)

I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (Jn 15:16)

I am God’s masterpiece, created for good works (Eph 2:10)

I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph 3:12)

I have been bought with a price (Jesus’ life) therefore I am valued (1 Cor 6:19 -20)

I am confident the the good work God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil 1:6)

That last one is so good to hear! That God never gives up on us. Until Jesus comes again, God will continue to work in us - to work on us! So our dealing with labels, our desire to be free and healed, can continue with confidence.

I take great encouragement from the fact that God the Father publicly told Jesus at His Baptism that He was pleased with him, His beloved Son. This was before Jesus had done any ministry! Before any miracles, before leaving home and becoming an itinerant preacher, before his clever discourses with the Pharisees, and well before Jesus won His battle in Gethsemane to obey God’s hardest call - to give His Life for us. If God the Father could affirm Jesus like that at the very beginning of His ministry, we can rest assured that God’s claim of Spiritual Fatherhood and love for us - whatever season we are in - is also true. And we will discover that that truth makes an enormous, positive difference to how we live and think.