A MESSAGE TO MY MUM
frail and in her 90's my mum was wondering what is her purpose in life now?
Mum’s lovely care home always made sure birthdays were celebrated! While not an extrovert or natural joker, Mum was always willing to join in when the occasion warranted some silliness!
Before you launch into this story and throw your hands up in horror about UK rules during Covid 19 pandemic, please understand the UK position. We are a small, very crowded island. So when the government issued guidelines and rules, most of us Brits were pretty compliant and keen to stay as safe as possible. Not all of us obviously, and some business owners were understandably angry when their livelihoods suffered irrevocably. But certainly I and my family wanted to be careful. You may not agree with any of the Covid stuff - it was all bunkum wasn't it? Well, maybe it was, but my experience was that it was very scary when friends died, when I became ill and never fully recovered, and when the hospitals and morgues were overflowing (a small, crowded island has very limited space, remember). So please read this in the spirit in which it is intended - not as a comment on the pandemic but as a testimony to my mum, my older sister, and the care home staff who looked after mum during a very challenging time.
When my older sister, who was mum’s carer, could no longer manage with lifting her when she fell multiple times a day, my mum moved to a local care home. It was a wonderful place, the staff were more like loving friends and relatives - several of them took time off work to attend her funeral 3 years later! It was a small care home with about 20 rooms and lots of interesting events to attend (except during the Covid 19 pandemic).
Mum moved there during one of the UK Covid 19 lockdowns. Things were very strict because of how vulnerable the residents were. on arrival, she had to stay isolated in her room (except for staff covered in PPE) for two weeks to check she had no infections. During this time her meals were taken alone and no one could visit. But mum was so pleased to be there! Since my dad - and her husband of nearly 60 years - died, she had struggled. So she saw it as a great blessing that soon she would be making new friends in a safe place with all her meals, laundry, personal care and cleaning taken care of.
Mum had a single room on the ground floor with accessible ensuite bathroom. From her comfortable armchair she could see through the large window and glass door to the garden which was surrounded by the four sides of the building. It was secluded, private and had bird feeders and a sheltered place to sit on warm days.
For the first year’s visits, we had to book an appointment and stand outside the lounge window where mum was the sole occupant. We were wearing masks and talking to mum on a mobile phone. But we were all delighted to be able to see her so happy and safe and well looked after. I took a folding chair (and in the winter months, a blanket!) because I can’t stand for long due to a medical condition.
As the pandemic faded from most of our memories, so the care home was able to show it’s true potential and amenities. It wasn’t a fancy place, no swimming pool, gym or cinema. But they had live musical events - singers of various genres from opera to folk songs. People with animals like alpacas and baby chicks that could be petted or held came regularly (as per photos above). Also the owl man! One of the communal spaces was used for armchair aerobics and arts and crafts. A link with the local pre-school (3-5 yr olds) was formed. The children came and sang, joined in arts and crafts and generally delighted the residents. As for Olympics on the Green, well, that had to be seen to be believed! 😃
My older sister is a keen and prolific cake baker, so she always took in a container of her wonderful creations whenever an excuse for celebration presented itself. Or just when she felt like it! She was a very popular visitor!
When mum cooked up a scheme with a fellow resident to hold a regular church meeting, the staff set aside one of the communal areas for them on Sunday mornings. They dusted off the old CD player and my older sister provided CD’s of traditional hymns and large print sheets of words for this lovely little church. Mum devised a rota of prayers for each Sunday so that all staff and residents were prayed for during the month. The order of service from one of the resident’s churches was used as a basis for their little service. Though care home isn’t officially a Christian organisation, staff members were often among the attendees. There was also a local pastor who visited to give communion regularly. When my mum was disappointed to see Christmas decorations going up but no nativity scene, she asked for one and it appeared very quickly.
This place was such a blessing to us all! I still pray for them and bless them, though I live several hours drive away and have no contact with them since mum’s passing. I will always remember them.
After mum’s funeral, one of the staff confided that mum was a godsend during Covid lockdown. She was the breath of fresh air they needed, always grateful for everything they did. She boosted moral at a very difficult time. As you can imagine, I was welling up. What a lovely tribute! I had thought that mum needing to transfer to a care home during the pandemic was very bad timing. God has these little surprises up His sleeve and you never know when they will pop out!
So, back to the reason for this testimony. One day I was visiting when mum was beginning to fail and struggling even to help lead the little church. Mum asked me, “What is my purpose in life now?” I couldn’t help thinking that she’d done more than most would expect - for herself, God and others in her 91 years! If planting a church in your 90’s isn’t sufficient, what is?! But I knew that wouldn’t help mum with the issue that was troubling her just now. So I promised to pray about it and get back to her. In the meantime I prayed with her, asking God to assure her that she’s still valuable to Him. That her value as a person didn’t rely on what she could do. (Mum and I had this unspoken understanding that I was one of the people she could talk to about anything to do with spirituality and her relationship with God and I would respond when I felt I had something worthwhile to offer. Mum knew I wrote prayers and poems and always encouraged me in this. I expect my other two sisters had similar but different understandings with mum - we are all very different and our parents appreciated that.)
After a while I wrote her a letter, sending the following reply. It was as much for me as for mum.
Dear Mum
Recently, you’ve said you’re struggling with thoughts about what your purpose in life is now. Well, I’ve been pondering and praying, asking God. Suddenly, the realisation came that it’s basically the same for everyone - it’s not about what we DO but WHO WE ARE … and more importantly, WHOSE WE ARE (we are God’s precious children of course).
So, how about this for a purpose in life:
OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE
To know we are loved by God our Heavenly Father
and to love Him in return.
Then, as we receive God’s love
we radiate it out to others
and encourage them to love Him in return.
When I rediscovered this little message to mum in my journal recently, I was suddenly overcome as I realised the care home staff affirmed that mum had done this. Mum had received God’s love and radiated it out to them. I still pray it has an effect on them, drawing them close to Jesus.
Now, while I’m so debilitated by chronic illness, I need to heed this message more than ever. I’m sharing this story on Substack as it might resonate and encourage others. Thank you for reading.
Thank you Ruthie x Our lovely faithful cheery kind funny Mum x
this is a beautiful tribute and a wonderful message. thank you for sharing ❤️